by Ron Cook
In this world of ours, there seems to be many, many MORE people who are easily offended than there are people intentionally offending. Does that seem true to you? Why is this so? What has caused people to be so sensitive in the reception of communication, yet so callous, apparently, in their projection of this same communication? Is it over-sensitivity or rude callousness? Is it political correctness, or is it the disturbingly violent nature of what’s going on throughout the world in terms of wars and unrest? Is it a desensitization of kindness, which has given permission to be truthful, yet also crass…or could it be something entirely different? I must admit I never experienced unkind, unsweet, unhappy, people in Louisiana.
Perhaps Louisiana has something to teach the world? What in Louisiana keeps people cheerful, friendly, and helpful; and what helps them to avoid upsetting, offending, or just plain disrespecting others? Let’s look.
As we have discussed before, communication is only composed of about 10 percent words. Words in Louisiana are a sweet thing. Folks take care in choosing their words. People seem to keep their words tasteful, savory, and sweet, like they do their food, because they know they may have to eat them later. After words, the rest of communication comes from body and hand gestures, facial expressions, voice tone, volume, and intent, as well as several other subtle nuances. We often miss or ignore these signals because we are inside the signal…we ARE the signal! How could we see something that we are?? There is another reason that could explain the “why” of missing the signals of others. In this case, we are usually tuned into our own thoughts regarding what the other is expressing, while they are expressing them. 0r, we are simply distracted and not giving our full attention which causes us to then miss the communication boat altogether! Dang, Shanghaied again!!
One basic truth about life that we often forget is that OUR experience of life has been completely unique from anyone else on the planet! Even members of our own family, who grew up in the same space, will have different memories of the same events we experienced as we grew up based on the feelings, the perception, the understanding about was going on, and the amount of attention that was paid to the event. Many of us have had traumatic experiences that left us scared, or damaged in our ability to deal with related traumas later in life. Others, even close friends or relatives may have no idea how these traumatic events affected us. By the age of 5 Years old most people have created, within themselves, personal images and built in reactions about objects and people. This gets buried in their unconscious right brain, which is unavailable to their conscious mind, but is very powerful in directing the conscious life of our adult self.
So, as Life unfolds in the specific, (and sometimes peculiar) way that you developed in your own conscious, plus your unconscious self, we all retain a unique perception of what reality becomes to each of us individually. Some people are pretty good at letting you know what ruins their day, other people are not so good at giving you a heads up about what you are doing that personally offends them. You will not see the large invisible circle of poo you may step in that surrounds some folks. (A Laverie Maidentold me today that she had that very dream!) Sometimes the warning is clear, other times the offended person rears up in a display of disrespected anger. Either way, personal history seems to play a large role in this kind of offensive perception or behavior. The offender may be oblivious to the sensitivity, or, rudely, fully aware of the trouble created.
There are also cultural and ethical offensive lines that are crossed. Traveling requires at least a minimal understanding of a country’s code of behavior. In some countries it is considered disrespectful to look someone in the eyes. In other countries showing the bottom of your shoe is disrespectful. Becoming aware of these actions is helpful.
Overall, most of the things we get offended by are issues that are a part of our own Sacred Brokenness. Whenever we are offended or get a resentment, the first thing we should probably check is, “where did this come from within myself?” The Healed Broken Wounded will smile inwardly as they see what’s coming. Instead of reacting, they will choose to forgive themselves for their surrounding poo… and then look for the pony. As a statistician I use the median, mean, and the mode in my research. The median finds the number of people that fall right in the middle of the study. The mean takes into account the average number of people who display a certain trait. The mode considers the major observed trend of a people. In Louisiana the mode is that people of all kinds of backgrounds, look for the good and wish the good of others. This seems, to me, why the “Who Dat” nation has, in all its struggles, found the ponies* in their lives.
Then, maybe, the real picture will come into focus…And our better angels may prevail.
*The pony story…
Once upon a time some scientists wanted to study the differences between a true pessimist and a true pessimist. So they locked a pessimistic child up in a warehouse full of toys for an hour. Then they locked an optimist child up a warehouse full of horse manure.
After an hour they opened the door to the pessimistic child warehouse to find him crying in the middle of the toys. When asked why he was crying he replied bitterly, “With so many toys to play with, I didn’t know which one to play with FIRST!!!”
Unlocking the warehouse full of manure, they found the optimistic child frolicking and singing and throwing manure every which way. When asked why he was so joyful he enthusiastically replied, “With so much horse poop, I know there must be a pony here!”
Closing with another lovely appropriate poem by my friend, Jeanine…
Resolute
by Jeanine Renee
Fragments of tormented dreams
Scratch trails across my semi-conscious mind –
Annoyingly just out of focus.
Dissonant melodies fall int line,
Only to slip away and be forgotten.
The past, uninvited, inserts itself
In this most unguarded of moments,
Beating its chest, pointing its finger,
Demanding accountability.
Diminished – I toss and turn,
Wrestling with this weight of self-loathing.
A contra dance of memories
Rush in…rush out…rush in again.
Each dancer piling on their version of the facts
Till I can no longer move.
Grasping consciousness, I remind myself once more this morning –
“Surrender Only To The Truth!”
Deafening the sound…
As the burden falls from shoulder to ground. **
**Poetry By Jeanine Renee from her book, Railwalker (2023).
***Distorted graphics by Rodger the Artful Dodger from his personal collection.
