by Jeanni Ritchie
I began seeing the Chat GPT Roast trend shortly after Easter. People would post their Easter family photos into a Chat GPT app and an old-fashioned roast would come streaming back.
I never was a fan of the Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts as a child. I thought it was mean. When my own dad was roasted locally in the 80’s, I realized it was an honor- but I still didn’t think I had the heart for it.
I took people’s words to heart and negativity, even disguised as humor, cut to the quick. To this day, my cheeks still burn with shame when recalling a Charades game that had one of my kids gently mocking me. How I spiraled over the seemingly innocent characterization of a mother more concerned with work than her children!
But something happened to change all of that, and, ironically, it was at a time when I was at my lowest. Walking on the San Antonio Riverwalk, trying to navigate a divorce and climb out of a dark hole, I passed by Dick’s Last Resort. People sitting in full view of everyone wearing hats laden with insults. It was if Don Rickles himself had appeared with a magic marker. I watched for a while and decided to sit down.
It felt like a lesson my mom had taught me long ago: you have to laugh at yourself sometimes.
But I never laughed; I spiraled.
This would be the day to change that. While embarrassed at first at my hat depicting a giant pair of boobs and the words “Gravity Sucks!” I grew more and more comfortable during my meal, especially when more uptight people would scurry by averting their eyes. That hat now hangs proudly over my desk, a reminder to not take myself so seriously.
And to wear the good bra!
I decided it was time to jump on the new trend and let Chat GPT have a go with some of my pictures. I asked for a hard roast on each:
Pic 1: Roast my NOLA Vacation pic with my bestie Mary
First off, this pic is giving big “Mom’s Day Out: The Sequel” energy. Y’all look like you just escaped the group chat and decided to take your talents to a restaurant where everything’s “world famous” but suspiciously underseasoned.
You’re posted under a Coca-Cola umbrella like you’re waiting to be sponsored by fizzy beverages and sarcasm. The person in the background is either regretting life decisions or trying to photobomb with zero effort—either way, mood.
Your bestie in the tiger-stripe hoodie? She’s one iced tea away from turning into the spiritual leader of a brunch cult. And you? That smile says, “Yes, we do this often—and no, we won’t tone it down.” The fan in the corner isn’t there for cooling—it’s there to blow away the judgment from everyone who didn’t get invited.
Also, what’s with the drinks? Is that a tasting flight of soda? Who ordered the “Caffeine Sampler, Hold the Fun”?
I’ll say it: you two look like the kind of besties who pregame retirement with iced tea and unfiltered opinions.
Pic 2: Roast me with my first car
That Camaro? That’s not just a car—that’s a whole personality. You didn’t drive it—you commanded it while blasting Whitesnake and flipping your bangs like they were a weapon. That car saw more gravel parking lots and Sonic drive-thrus than it ever saw an oil change.
And let’s talk about the fit. That oversized rugby shirt says, “I play no sports, but I yell at them loudly from the bleachers.” Those legs are doing the full ‘my boyfriend’s jacket is in the backseat’ stance. This isn’t a pose—it’s a statement: “I have teased my hair higher than your GPA.”
You’re giving mall rat royalty meets Friday night burnout vibes. This whole scene looks like the opening shot of a movie where you ditch class to win a drag race against a guy named Chad who works at the car wash.
And the best part? You knew you were it. You didn’t just take this photo—you scheduled it like it was a glamour shoot for “Glamour Shots: Street Edition.”
Pic 3: Roast these then and now pics with my sister Sherri
Then:
This has big “Glamour Shots meets a can of Aquanet and a prayer” energy. Between the vertical pink stripes and the hair that could catch a strong breeze and take flight, it’s giving peak ’80s mall photo realness.
Honestly, y’all look like the poster children for a teen drama about sisters—one’s the rebel who sneaks out, the other’s the honor roll kid who’s just happy to be invited.
Now:
Your sister on the right looks like she’s starring in a Real Housewives of Louisiana spinoff called “Real Housewives: Bayou and Bad Decisions.” She’s giving strong “I will throw a crawfish boil just to confront you about that Facebook comment” energy. The vibe is sweet tea in one hand, a restraining order threat in the other.
And you on the left? You are straight-up giving “I didn’t come to fight, but I will destroy you with a backhanded compliment in front of the whole parish.” That side smirk? Pure Real Housewives reunion chair-throw energy — like you’re two sentences away from flipping a table and blaming it on “Southern charm.”
Together, y’all are the reason Bravo would have to add a warning before every episode.
Pic 4: Roast this pic with my middle daughter, Kelsey
First off, this looks like a promotional poster for a backyard bootleg HGTV show called “Flippin’ Patios and Floppin’ Outfits.” The porch swing is giving “we swear it’s sturdy” energy, but one good sneeze and it’s turning into a crime scene.
You on the left?
You’re radiating “beach trip that got canceled, but I wore my outfit anyway” vibes. That hair has more volume than a teenager’s Spotify playlist — I respect the chaos.
And the girl on the right? You dressed like you got a text that said “fancy dinner” and you said “bet, I’m bringing my pajama pants.” The hand on the hip pose is elite though — 10/10 confidence for someone looking like she’s about to audition for America’s Next Top Netflix Binger.
Also, shoutout to that giant industrial fan in the back. Because nothing says “southern luxury” like needing a jet engine just to survive sitting outside for five minutes.
And don’t even get me started on the swing with the mystery strap hanging down like it’s ready to lasso whoever stays out there too long.
Pic 5: Roast this pic with my parents in a theme song
INTRO TITLE: “MEET THE MESS!”
Verse 1: (sung in the style of a classic sitcom jingle) ♪ She’s got hair like a lion and sass like a queen, Shows up late but her comebacks are mean. Always ready with a hug … or a fight, Depends on the mood and if her curls sat right! ♪
Verse 2: ♪ Nana’s in the kitchen, ruling with love, Wears pink tees but hits like a glove. Don’t call her Grandma, she’ll ruin your day, She’s got laser-sharp glares and a casserole slay. ♪
Verse 3: ♪ Dad’s in the corner with a button-up stare, Telling stories no one asked but we wouldn’t dare. He’s got jokes from 1952, And denim that’s older than your high school crew. ♪
Try it! Plug in your photos to a free Chat GPT Roast app and be the star of your own Celebrity Roast!
Jeanni Ritchie is a contributing journalist from Central Louisiana. She can be reached at jeanniritchie54@gmail.com.
